Hello there, friend,
I've been thinking a lot about contradictions lately, and what we're talking about here is exactly that. We want things to be this or that. We want clear-cut lines, even though we know we'll never be able to fit into them. We are walking contradictions, all of us, and so often holding that tension is difficult. We do things we don't want (or don't mean) to do. We say we believe something, then do the opposite. We cower in the difficult choice, and even the not-so-difficult one.
It leads me to believe that I'm a big phony. What I'm learning, though, is that contradictions are not phoniness; they are our human reality. We have to accept ourselves as both honest and liars. We have to see that we that we both hold others close and also push them away. We can't help but contradict. It's human nature.
To me, this is why forgiveness is so important. I grew up in a family that never apologizes. To this day, it's one of my biggest irritants, that people wouldn't apologize when they're wrong or hurt someone else. We hurt each other and hurt ourselves; we can't help it. Because of that, we need to be gentle with each other and gentle with ourselves. I'm learning that every single day, holding the broken pieces of myself up to the light and saying it's okay if it doesn't all fit together because it all is part of me.
xo,
L
