hello there, friend,
i thought about your words for much of the afternoon... about failure. i'm a pretty positive person, pretty much glass half-full. but, when i feel failure, frustration, or shame, those feelings drag me rather quickly into a downward spiral.
for some of the fall, i was feeling this. i tried really hard to sit with it and work out what these feelings were about. even though i love flying by the seat of my pants, i do better when meals are planned, when laundry is being done routinely, and when there is some order to the chaos inside our four walls. i love spontaneity, but crave order.
in some ways, i was also feeling unconnected... with my immediate family, for a variety of reasons. i felt like i was shouldering much of the load, without anyone noticing. like it was me vs. them.
learning what triggers these feelings and learning to ask for help have been crucial for me. i still have these feelings... but this year, i'm trying really hard to talk to myself differently through these periods, to let go of the "should have's" and shame, and to ask for help.
xo,
b
