Hello there, friend,

What you say about being good enough versus striving for more make me think of the old saying that God loves you as you are but He refuses to leave you that way. There's a tension in it that can be hard to understand. How do we accept ourselves, but also strive to be better? Why can't we leave well enough alone?

I can give you the quick-and-dirty answer for myself. For me, the stakes have always felt high. My parents had a messy divorce; I was an angry, withdrawn kid. I didn't have a happy childhood and as a teenager, I knew any change in my life would have to come from within me. So, when I got married, I stepped away from that old story, and when I became a mother, I stepped even farther. But all of this stepping away actually brought me closer to myself -- to my anger and my pain, to letting go of who I was to become who I truly am.

The process of refining who I am, learning more and realizing I still have work to do is a part of life I've come to accept. It wasn't until the last couple of years that the idea of "good enough" even came into my scope of understanding. I've never felt good enough; I've always felt broken. Accepting myself as good enough has been more difficult than working through my issues.

I think the key is to think of it in seasons. There's a season of good enough and a season for working on ourselves. There's a season to press in and another to rest. If we slow down long enough to figure out which season we're in, maybe we can give ourselves the grace we need to be where we are, to let go of the striving in either season and simply be.

xo,
L

hello there, friend,

i have long struggled with personal development. on one hand, i've always been intrigued by it, wanting to understand myself a bit more, wanting to understand those around me and what makes them tick and on the other hand, feeling at times, that the pursuit of better is based on a core belief that i'm not good enough as i am. there is a fine line between seeking personal growth and change because it's the next right step in my journey and seeking it because i feel i'm lacking - although there is some value in that.

when you write about letting go - i wonder how to even do that? how do i let go of all the worry, fear, and questions i have? the striving for more and for better? why isn't right now good enough?

i don't have the answers, but know that when you said 'we don't have to try harder, we just need to let go.' that made perfect sense to me. i'm tired of trying, tired of working from a place of emptiness rather than fullness, tired of striving and feeling like i can't ever do enough.

xo,
b

Hello there, friend,

Over the weekend, I read an essay about Lent that's sticking with me. What we should give up for Lent, all of us, is our troubles, our idols, our striving. Lent is not about giving up chocolate or social media or anything tangible; it's about shifting our mindset from us to God. We don't have to try harder; we just need to let go.

Later that evening, I stood in the kitchen and burst into tears. I've been trying to sort things out within myself, trying to find a place where I can accept what's happened and what continues to happen in some of the more complex parts of my life. The weight of all of it pressed down hard on me.

I took a deep breath and tried to get myself together. As I did, I remembered one of my favorite poems (by David Whyte), one I'm sure I've shared with you before but I'm going to share again. Now whenever I think of it, I'll think of Lent, of letting go of that to which we don't belong in order to embrace where we do:

“You must learn one thing:
the world was made to be free in.

Give up all the other worlds
except the one to which you belong.

Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet
confinement of your aloneness
to learn

anything or anyone
that does not bring you alive
is too small for you.”

xo,
L

hello there, friend,

i completely agree with you. i find after taking sundays off, i long for another day without distraction. monday comes too quickly and even though i used to see mondays as a fresh start, i find myself already counting the days until the next sunday.

taking a technology sabbath has left me thinking more about lent this year. in years past, i've given things up, but i remember hearing once that another way to think about lent is to make space for something else. if one of the main goals of lent is to deepen my faith - then i know i need to make time and space for it.

over the years, we've sat down as a family to talk about the idea of giving something up and the goal of deepening our faith. we had a conversation sunday about our ideas, tossing things back and forth to see what might stick. i've been wanting to start a meditation practice for some time, so instead of giving something up, i've decided to add meditation into my daily routine. there's something in me right now that longs for this kind of stillness and focus.

xo,
b

Hello there, friend,

Since I started making Sabbath part of my weekly life, Mondays have become hard. After resting all day Sunday, Monday can feel jarring. I'm usually ready to hit the ground running, but I often feel behind. I've figured out that spending Monday morning working and trying to get on track for the week is the best thing, but I still feel panicked sometimes. Today, in particular, I have more work to do than I'll have time for.

I do enjoy my Sabbath though. I like taking a break and giving myself a chance to take a step back and rest. A friend told me that if you work with your head, your Sabbath should be spent doing something with your hands (and vice versa). I've been thinking more about that, and trying to figure out what to do with my hands. Sew? Bake bread? Garden?

I've also been thinking about Lent, which begins on Wednesday. Every year, it feels like it sneaks up on me (I guess I'm not very good at following the liturgical calendar) and I wrestle with what to go give up. Last year, I stopped looking at my phone first thing in the morning, waiting until I had a cup of coffee in my hands until I allowed myself to check anything. This year, I'm not sure yet, but I have a few ideas. So much of life feels like giving up and adding on and trying to balance the two, but I know Lent is deeper and I'm hungry for something that will deepen my faith.

xo,
L

hello there, friend,

you know that i resist schedules and rigidity - it's part of my make-up. but, without them, i tend to flounder. my children are the same way. they love days without a schedule, but they are often disappointed at the end of the day if they didn't "do enough".

i listened to something recently about my enneagram type and found it so fascinating. it has to do with energy and the fact that many nines appear to have low energy. in fact, they derive some energy by simply avoiding tasks which they know need done, but don't want to do. in times of stress, they retreat and become even more less energetic, instead choosing to numb out or distract themselves in any number of ways. in times of growth, they are energized by intimate connection to the others and to the world, feeling fully alive.

this has been incredibly helpful for me to think about. i've often wondered, 'what's wrong with me?' and i'm just now starting to think instead about the unique ways in which we all live and function in this world. my strengths are many - and my weaknesses, once identified, are things that i can continue to learn and grow from.

xo,
b

Hello there, friend,

My kids don't have school this week, so everything feels a little upside down. I always love times we can deviate from the routine, and have extra time for rest and play. We've sat around in our pajamas, spent entire days out exploring, and watched a fair share of movies. But it's Thursday and I'm grateful that Monday's on its way. It takes deviating from the routine to remember why the routine is good for us. Also, with kids here, it feels almost impossible to get anything done.

It reminds me of how good the seasons are for us, how we need winter so we can appreciate spring. We also need the seasons of our own lives -- the time to hustle and the time to wait, the time to rest and the time to dig in, the time to float along and the time to reflect and assess what's going on with us.

The last few months have been kinda dark for me. The winter weather often reflects my mood and I have to work hard not to get overwhelmed by it. The last few days of sunshine have been good for me, especially with the kids home. When I think of them, I think of sunny days spent outside. I think of looseness and laughter. Being with them doesn't always end up this way, but in my mind it always, always does.

xo,
L